Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
