just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
