so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
