I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
i drank out of a bidet.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
