i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Randomize
