so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
