i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
