I want to have your abortion
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
