White coat. Heels.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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