You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
