i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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