Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
