Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
