i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
