Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
