You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
