'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
