By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
