Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
