Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
