i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
