1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize