I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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