Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
