Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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