A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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