At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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