he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
