Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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