yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
