we have pet lesbian snakes
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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