My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I fill condoms, not promises.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
