Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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