I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Randomize
