I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
