i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
