3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize