here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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