i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
