Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
