is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize