she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
