the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
