Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
