I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Your cock deserves a montage
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
