If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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