i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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