gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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