Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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