I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
