You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
