I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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