I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
