just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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