I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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