I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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