We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
