They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
