Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
