dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize