brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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