it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
