Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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