so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
two words...techno handjob
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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