You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Randomize
