they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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