Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize