just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
it's great music for shaving your balls
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
