I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
