State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
