That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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