i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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