She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
