if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
