I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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