You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
