I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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