Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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