I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
