Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
