I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
