My cat gives me a boner
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize