i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
