I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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