Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
