You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize