Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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