It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Randomize
