Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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