Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
