Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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