went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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