its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I'm always down for nudity.
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