based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize