I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
