I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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