I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
