It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
