I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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