He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
