i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
