DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize