I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
