haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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