tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Congratulations! We have a period
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