I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
