My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize