omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
