More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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