I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
