Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize