It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You have to summon your inner elephant
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
