u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I think i peed on brittanys purse
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
