Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
